Before We Were Married Author:Donal O 
Before we were married you had shaven silky legs before we were married well, I never had to beg before we were married you wanted lovin' every night before we were married we left on the bedroom light 
but now that we are married you've got sandpaper on your thighs you've memorized the pattern of the bedroom ceoling tiles your moaning in the bedroom consists of "Please! Don't touch my hair!" and I think that I'm bisexual cause I have sex...twice a year 
Since we are married I live in this institution I'm afraid to say my manhood's getting rather Lillipution I'm workin' out 3 times a week workin' on a callous but there's one marriage skill I've learned, Now I'm ambidextrous 
Before we were married oh how you used to squeel I had a car with headroom a nice tilt steering wheel your lap was hot and steamey and you wiggled like a cat I wondered if you dumped McDonald's coffee in your lap 
But now that we are married and the kids are growing old you're so afraid they'll hear us they're walkin' birth control I'm beggin' for some lovin' and you say,"Get off my back!" If you were any colder I'd be a necrophiliac! 
I lie awake in bed at night thinkin',"This is quite a pickle!" You used to be so ticklish but you don't want my test tickles It makes no difference if I wear a raincoat or a speedo this marriage license costs too much 3 bucks and your libido  

Irish Song Lyrics 
from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk