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The Ancient and Old Irish Condom 
The Ancient and Old Irish Condom (Celtic Pride) (Tune: "Rosin the Beau") 
I was up to me arse in the muck, Sir, With a peat contract down in the bog When me shovel it struck something hard, Sir, That I thought was a rock or a log' 
Twas a box of the finest old oak, Sir, 'Twas a foot long, and four inches wide And not giving a damn for the Fairies I just took a quick look inside 
Now I opened the lid of this box, Sir, And I swear that my story is true T'was an ancient and old Irish condom A relic of Brian Boru' 
Twas an ancient and old Irish condom 'Twas a foot long, and made of elk hide, With a little gold tag on it's end, Sir, With his name, rank, and stud fee inscribed 
Now, I cast me mind back thru the ages To the days of that horny old Celt With his wife lyin' by on the bed, Sir, As he stood by the fire in his pelt 
And I thought that I heard Brian whisper As he stood in the fire's rosy light "Well, you've had yer own way long enough, dear... 'Tis the hairy side outside, tonight." 
RD