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The Auctioneer 
The Auctioneer 
(LeRoy Van Dyke and Buddy Black) 
There was a boy in Arkansas Who wouldn't listen to his ma When she told him he should go to school He'd sneak away in the afternoon Take a little walk and pretty soon You'd find him at the local auction barn. 
He'd stand and listen carefully Then pretty soon he began to see How the auctioneer could talk so rapidly He said, "Oh, my, it's do or die I've got to learn that auction cry Gotta make my mark and be an auctineeer."
 Twenty-five dollar bid it now, thirty dollar Will you gimmie thirty, make it thirty Bid it on a thirty dollar, will you gimmie thirty Who'll-ll bid a thirty dollar bid? Thirty dollar bid it now, thirty-five Will you gimmie thirty-five, to make it thirty-five To bid it a thirty-five Who woulda bid it at a thirty-five dollar bid? 
As time went on, he did his best And all could see he didn't jest He practiced calling bids both night and day His pap would find him behind the barn Just working up an awful storm As he tried to imitate the auctioneer. 
Then his pap said, "Son, we just can't stand To have a mediocre man Sellin' things at auction using our good name I'll send you off to auction school Then you'll be nobody's fool You can take your place among the best." 
 Thirty-five dollar bid it now, forty dollar Will you gimmie forty, make it forty Bid it on a forty dollar, will you gimmie forty Who'll-ll bid a forty dollar bid? Forty dollar bid it now, forty-five Will you gimmie forty-five, to make it forty-five To bid it a forty-five Who woulda bid it at a forty-five dollar bid? 
So from that boy who went to school There grew a man who played it cool And came back home a full-fledged auctioneer And the people came from miles around Just to hear him make that rhythmic sound That filled their hearts with such a happy cheer. 
His fame spread out from shore to shore He had all he could do and more Had to buy a plane to get around Now he's the tops in all the land Let's pause and give that man a hand He's the best of all the auctioneers.
 Forty-five dollar bid it now, fifty dollar Will you gimmie fifty, make it fifty Bid it on a fifty dollar, will you gimmie fifty Who'll-ll bid a fifty dollar bid? Fifty dollar bid it now, fifty-five Will you gimmie fifty-five, to make it fifty-five To bid it a fifty-five Sold that horse for a fifty-five dollar bill? 
(spoken) Hey, well alright sir, open the gate and let 'em out and walk 'em boys Here we come with lot number 29 in, what'd ya gonna give? 
Recorded by LeRoy Van Dyke GG OCT98