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F-Word (A Chat With Your Mother) 
F-Word (A Chat With Your Mother) (Lou & Peter Berryman) 
There are pirates in their fetid galleons Daggers in their skivvies With infected tattooed fingers On a blunderbuss or two Signs of scurvy in their eyes And only mermaids on their minds It's from them I would expect to hear The F-word, not from you
 We sit down to have a chat It's F-word this and F-word that I can't control how you young people Talk to one another But I don't wanna hear you use That F-word with your mother 
And the lumberjacks from Kodiak Vacationing in Anchorage Enchanted with their pine tar soup And Caribou shampoo With seven weeks of back pay In their aromatic woolens It's from them I would expect to hear The F-word, not from you 
There's the militant survivalists With Gucci bandileros Taking tacky khaki walkie talkies To the rendezvous Trading all the latest armor Piercing ammo information It's from them I would expect to hear The F-word, not from you 
There are jocks who think that God himself Is drooling in the bleachers In a cold November downpour With a bellyful of brew Whose entire grasp of heaven Has a lot to do with football 
It's from them I would expect to hear The F-word, not from you 
There's unsavory musicians With their filthy pinko lyrics Who destroy the social fabric And enjoy it when they do With their groupies and addictions And poor broken-hearted parents It's from them I would expect to hear The F-word, not from you 
Copyright Lou and Peter Berryman HB