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Fifty Cents 
Fifty Cents 
I took my girl to a ball last night, 'twas such a fancy hop We stayed until the folks went home, the music it did stop. Then to a restaurant we went, the finest on the street She said she wasn't hungry, but this is what she'd eat: 
A dozen raw, a plate of slaw, some fancy Boston roast, Some turtle stew, crackers, too, some soft-shelled crab on toast? Next she tried some oysters fried; her appetite was immense! She asked for pie! I thought I'd die, for I had but fifty cents! 
After eating all of this she smiled so very sweet, She said she'wasn't hungry at all, she wished that she could eat; But the very next order that she gave, my heart within me sank. She said she wasn't thirsty at all, but this is what she drank: 
A brandy, a gin, a big hot rum, a schooner of lager beer, Some whiskey skins and two more gins did quickly disappear; A bottle of ale, a soda cocktail, she astonished all the gents! She called for more, I fell on the floor, for I had but fifty cents. 
To finish up, this delicate girl cleaned out an ice cream can? She says, "Now, Sam, I'll tell mama you're such a nice young man." She said she'd bring her sister along next time she came, for fun. I handed the man my fifty cents, and this is what he done: 
He broke my nose, he tore my clothes, he knocked me out of breath; I took the prize for two black eyes, he kicked me most to death. At every chance he made me dance, he fired me over the fence, Take my advice: don't try it twice, when you have but fifty cents. 
From Pious Friends, Shay