Traditional & Folk Songs with lyrics & midi music www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
The Finest f***ing Family 
The Finest f***ing Family 
If you're ever down in London, and you have no place to go And you cannot find a spot to sit you down, For a penny on deposit you can hire a water closet And a season ticket costs but half-a-crown.
 There's a gent's convenience at the corner of Waterloo And a ladies' one a little further down, If you've an aching in your heart we get a penny for a fart We own every public lavat'ry in town. 
Have you met my sister Tilly? She's a whore in Picadilly And my mother is another on the strand; And my father hawks his asshole round the walls of Windsor Castle We're the finest f***ing family in the land.
 Have you met my Uncle Hector? He's a cock and ball inspector At a celebrated English public school, And my brother sells French letters and a patent cure for wetters And an ointment for the sores upon your tool. 
I learned this--and probably folk-processed it--from a self-styled Heroic Monotone named Al Shulman, back about 1948. Variations appear in Cray's Erotic Muse and Legman's Horn Book. Sings better in a Scots accent RG oct99