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Liewer Heindrich (Dear Henry) 
Liewer Heindrich (Dear Henry) 
Wann der Tschock awer en Loch hot Liewer Heindrich Liewer Heindrich, Wann der Tschock a wer en Loch hot? Dummer Ding, dann schtopp'n zu!
 Mit vass sol ich'n awer zu schtoppe Liewer Heindrich? Liewer Heindrich? Mit was soll ich'n awer zu schtoppe Dummer ding, mit dem schtroh! 
Ya! Wann's Schtroh awer zu lang iss Liewer Heindrich Liewer Heindrich, Wann's Schtroh awer zu lang iss Dummer Ding, dann hack's ab!
 Ya! Mit was soll ich's awer abhacke (similarly) Dummer Ochs mit dem Beil! 
Ya! Wanns's beil awer zu schtump iss Dummer Ochs, machs sharref!
 Ya! Mit was soll ich's awer sharref mache Dummi Grott, uf dem Schtee! 
Ya! Wann der Schtee awer zu drucke iss Dummer ding, dann mach'n mass!
 Ya! Mit was soll ic'n awer nass mache Dummer Esel, ei, mit Wasser! 
Ya! Mit wass soll ich awer Wasser draage Dummer ding, mit dem Tschock!
 Ya! Wan der Tschock awer en Loch hot,
 (spoken) Dummer ding, hab dir g'saat schtopp'n zu! Nau noch ee Mool, no gewwich dir eens uf der kopf! (Un do si mer widder graad am naemlich Blatz, wu mer aag'fange hen un sin net weit varschich kumme.) 
(translation) If the jug has a hole in it, 
 Dear Henry, dear Henry? If the jug has a hole in it? Stupid thing, then plug it up!
 Yeah! What should I plug it up with, 
Dear Henry, dear Henry? What should I plug it up with? 
Stupid thing, with some straw! 
Yeah! But if the straw's too long, Stupid thing, then chop it off!
 Yeah! What should I chop it off with, Stupid ox, with the hatchet! 
Yeah! But if the hatchet's too dull, Stupid thing, then sharpen it!
 Yeah! What should I sharpen it with, Stupid toad, with a stone! 
Yeah! But if the stone's too dry, Stupid thing, then make it wet!
 Yeah! How should I make it wet, Stupid ass, why, with water! 
Yeah! But what should I carry water in, Stupid thing, in the jug!
 Yeah! But if the jug has a hole in it, If the jug has a hole in it? 
Recite: Stupid thing, I told you to plug it up! Now if you ask me once more, I'll give you a good crack over the head! 
(we are back at the same place where we began and haven' t made any progress.) 
From Pennsylvania Songs and Legends, Korson note: the popular version is amazingly close to the Pennsylvania Dutch. apr96