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A Tale of a Wife 
A Tale of a Wife 
I'll tell you a tale of a Wife, And she was a Whig and a Saunt; She liv'd a most sanctify'd life, But whyles she was fash'd wi' her... 
chorus: Fal lal la etc. 
Poor woman! she gaed to the Priest, And till him she made her complaint; "There's naething that troubles my breast Sae sair as the sins o' my..." 
"Sin that I was herdin' at hame, "Till now I'm three score and ayont, "I own it wi' sin and wi' shame "I've led a sad life wi' my..." 
He bade her to clear up her brow, And no be discourag'd upon't; For holy gude women enow Were mony times waur't wi' their... 
It's naught but Beelzebub's art, But that's the mair sign of a saunt, He kens that ye're pure at the heart, Sae levels his darts at your... 
What signifies Morals and Works, Our works are no wordy a runt! It's Faith that is sound, orthodox, That covers the fauts o' your... 
Were ye o'the Reprobate race Created to sin and be brunt, O then it would alter the case If ye should gae wrang wi'your ... 
But you that is Called and Free Elekit and chosen a saunt, Will't break the Eternal Decree Whatever ye do wi' your... 
And now with a sanctify'd kiss Let's kneel and renew covenant: It's this---and it's this---and it's this---That settles the pride o' your... 
Devotion blew up to a flame; No words can do justice upon't; The honest auld woman gaed hame Rejoicing and clawin her... 
Then high to her memory charge; And may he who takes it affront, Still ride in Love's channel at large, And never make port in a...!!! 
Note: A stanza quoted casually in a letter to Ainslie, 29 July 1787, is apparently an alternative (or additional) final stanza:
 Then hey, for a merry good fellow, And hey, for a glass of good strunt; May never we SONS OF APOLLO E'er want a good friend add a... 
From Merry Muses of Caledonia, Burns