Betsy And I Are Out - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
BETSY AND I ARE OUT A Recitation-By Will. II. Carleton. 
Draw up the papers, lawyer, and make 'em good and stout, For things at home are cross-ways, and Betsy and I are out,; We who have worked together so long as man and wife, Must pull in single harness the rest of our nat'ral life. 
"Whats the matter," says you! I swan! it's hard to tell I Most of the years behind us we've passed by very well; I have no other woman-she has no other man; Only we've lived together as long as ever we can. 
So I have talked with Betsy, and Betsy has talked with me, And weve agreed together that we can never agree, Not that. we've catched eaeh other in any terrible crime; We've been a gatherin' this for years, a little at a time. 
There was a stock of temper we both had, for a start; Although we ne'er suspected 'twould take us two apart; I had my various fallings, bred in the flesh and bone. And Bei sy, like all good women, had a temper of her own. The first thing I remember whereon we disagreed, Was something concerning heaven-a difference in our creed ; We arge'd the thing at breakfast- we arg'ed the thing at tea -And the more we arg'ed the question, the more we couldn't agree. And the next that I remember was when we lost a cow; She had kicked the bucket, for certain-the question was only-How? I held my opinion, and Betsy another had; And when we were done a talkin', we both of us was mad. And the next time that I remember, it started in a joke; But for a full week it lasted, and neither of us spoke. And the next was when I fretted because she broke a bowl; And she said I was mean and stingy, and hadn't any soul. And so he thing kept workin', and all the self-same way; Always somethin' to arg'e and somethin' sharp to say. And down on us came the neighbors, a couple o' dozen strong. And lent their kindest service to help the thing along. And there have been days together-and many a weary week-When both of us were cross and spunky, and both too proud to speak; And I have been thinkin' and thinkin', the whole of the Summer and Fall If I can t live kind with a woman, why, then I won't at all. 
And so I've talked with Betsy, and Betsy has talked with me, And we have agreed together that we can never agree; And what is hers shall be hers, and what is mine shall be mine; And I'll put it in the agreement, and take it to her to sign. 
Write it on the paper, lawyer-the very first paragraph-Of all the farm and live stock, she shall have her half; For she has helped to earn it, through many a weary day. And It's nothin' more than justice that Betsy has her pay. 
Give her the house and homestead; a man can thrive and roam. But wo nen are wretched critters unless they have a home. And I have always determined, and never failed to say, That Betsy never should want a home it" I was taken away. There's a little hard money besides, that's drawin' tol'rable pay, 
A couple of hundred dollars laid by for a rainy day. Safe in the hands of good men, and easy to get at; , Put in another clause there, and give her all of that. 
I see that you arc smiling, sir, at my givin' her so much; Yes, divorce is cheap, sir, but I take no stock in such ; True and fair I married her, when she was blithe and young. And Betsy was always good to me, except in' with her tongue. 
When I was young as you, sir, and not so smart, perhaps, For me she mittened a lawyer, and several other chaps; And all of 'em was flustered, and fairly taken down, And for a time I was counted the luckiest man in town. 
Once, when I had a fever-I won't forget it soon-I was hot as a basted turkey, and crazy as a loon-Never in hour went by me when she was out of sight; She mined me true and tender, and stuck to mc. day and night. And if ever a house was tidy, and ever a kitchen clean, Her house and kitchen was tidy as any I ever seen ; And I don't complain of Betsy, or any of her acts, Exoeption' when we've quarreled, and told each other facts. So draw up the paper, lawyer; and I'll go home to-night. And reiki the agreement to her, and see if it's all right; And then in the mornin' I'll sell to a tradin' man I know-And kiss the child that was left to us, and out in the world I'll go. 
And one thing put in the paper, that first to me didn't occur: That when I am dead at last she will bring me hack to her, And lay me under the maple we planted years ago, When she and I was happy, before we quarreled so. And when she dies, I wish that she would be laid by mc; And lyin' together in silence, perhaps, we'll then agree; And if ever we meet in heaven, I wouldn't think it queer If we loved each other the better because we've quarreled here.