The Steam Arm - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
THE STEAM ARM. By H. V. Smith. 
Oh! wonders sure will never cease, While works of art do so increase- ® No matter whether in war or peace, Men can do whatever they please. Ri too ral loo ral, &c. 
A curious tale I will unfold To all of you, as I was told, About a soldier stout and bold, Whose wife, 'tis said, was an arrant scold. Ri too ral loo ral, &c. 
At Waterloo he lost an arm, Which gave him pain and great alarm; But he soon got well, and grew quite calm, For a shilling a day was a sort of balm. Ri too ral loo ral, &c. 
The story goes: on every night, His wife would bang him left and right; So he determin'd out of spite, To have an arm, cost what it might. Ri too ral loo ral, &c. 
He went at once, strange it may seem, To have one made, to work by steam; For a ray of hope began to gleam, That force of arms would win her esteem. Ri too ral loo ral, &c. 
The limb was finish'd and fixed unto His stump of a shoulder, neat and true, You'd have thought it there by nature grew. For it stuck to its place as tight as glue. Ri too ral loo ral, &c 
He started home and knock'd at the door, His wife her abuse began to pour; He turn'd a small peg, and before He'd time to think, she fell on the floor. Ri too ral loo ral, &c. 
With policemen soon his room was fill'd. But every one he nearly kill'd; For the soldier's arm had been so drill'd, That once in action, it couldn't be still'd. Ri too ral loo ral, &c. 
They took him at once before the mayor-His arm kept moving all the while there; The mayor cried, "Shake your fist if you dare!" When the steam arm knock'd him out of his chair. Ri too ral loo ral, &c. 
This rais'd in court a bit of clamor, 
The arm going on like an auctioneer's hammer; It fell in weight like a pavior's rammer, And many with fear began to stammer, Ri too ral loo ral, &c. 
He was lock'd in a cell from doing harm. To satisfy those who had still a qualm; When, all at once, they had an alarm, Down fell the walls and out popp d the arm. Ri too ral loo ral, &c 
He soon escap'd and reach'd his door, And knock'd by steam-raps half a score, But as the arm in power grew more and more, Bricks, mortar, and wood soon strew'd the floor. Ri too ral loo ral, &c. 
With eagerness he stepp'd over each chair, Popp'd into his room-his wrfe was there; "Oh, come to my arms!" she cried, " my dear;" When his steamer smash'd the crockery-ware. Ri too ral loo ral, &c. 
He left his house at length outright And wanders about just like a sprite; For he can't keep still, either day or night. For his arm keeps moving with two-horse might. Ri too ral loo ral, &c.