Such Funny Things Are Done Upon The Sly - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
SUCH FUNNY THINGS ARE DONE UPON THE SLY. Written and sung by Sam Devere. 
Oh, Adam and Eve were simple in their way, Like a pair of innocent kittens, so they say, Wore nothing but their skins, from their heads down to their shins, And waltzed around the garden all day; Eve was struck on sweet forbidden fruit, Adam tried it and it opened up his eye; And ever since that day, the devil has been to pay, Such funny things are done upon the sly. 
There's the plump and silly maiden full of gush, She's pretty but her head is soft as mush; Of course she's got a mash, with a very sick mustache, On seven dollars a week he's very flush; They take in all the picnics and the balls, He tells her that he'll wed her by-and-by; But the neighbors wink and say, in a very knowing way, Such funny things are done upon the sly. 
There's the married man, who bums around at night On a racket, and he gets so jolly tight; Says he was at the lodge, when a poker he will dodge, His wife gets out of bed and wants to fight; She suspects that he's been but with the girls. There's a blonde hair on his coat he can't deny; It's a pretty piece of biz, but you know how it is, Such funny things are done upon the sly. 
There's the lonely widow smiling very sweet, Who dresses very charmingly and neat; In company it's the plan, when spoken to by a man, To blush from her eye-brows to her feet; But let her catch a gawk when he's alone, He'll And her not so bashful or so shy; That's laid upon the shelf, you know how 'tis yourself, Such funny things are done upon the sly. 
There's the stiff old maid Who likes to fume and boil, She's been made so long She's very apt to spoil; Secretly she'll plan, to try and trap a man, She's equal to a dose of castor oil; If she could grab a man and lock him up, When not another living soul was nigh; She'd take away his breath, she'd squeeze the man to death, Such funny things are done upon the sly.