Captain Cuff - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
CAPTAIN CUFF. 
Some coons go in for whiskers, For most unpleasant dogs, Some fellows have a weakness for The most outrageous togs; I'm very strong on linen, Yes, and would not give a dollar, For life without a splendid show Of snow-white cuff and collar. 
Spoken.-Which has earned for me the title of-
Chorus. Captain Cuff, Captain Cuff, you can tell me by my collar. Captain Cuff, Captain Cuff, tho' I'm not worth half a dollar; I'm awfully stiff in style, as my cigarette I puff, ' They cry: "Hi! clear the way, here comes Captain Cuff." 
Sometimes a common fellow. Of the " lower order " class, Will dare to make some rude remark Or mock me as I pass; And lots of vulgar little boys They know me well enough, And oft salute me in the street. With ®' What cheer, Captain Cuff?'' 
Chorus. Captain Cuff, Captain Cuff, you can tell him by his collar Captain Cuff, Captain Cuff, he ain't worth half a dollar; He's " Glenfield " in his style, as the cigarette he'll puff, So, hi! hey! clear the way, here comes Captain Cuff. 
I lounge about at parties, I'm heavy at the ball; By Jove! the Captain never has To decorate the wall; I dance with every charmer'nt To be my "vs a vis" And 'tis awfully delightful, How the ladies follow me
Spoken.-With their eyes all over the room, when I often hear a charming creature observe to her ma-" Oh, ma, dear, who is that handsome, dignified party over there?" Then by the time I've struck an imposing attitude, I hear the " old un " say: " Why, my dear Maud, don't you know it's-Chorus. 
With darling eyes upon me. Through life I gaily march; My style shall be the stiffest. My "motto shall be " starch; " Should my cuff and collar glory, Be ever gone and fled, You'll know that Captain Cuff's gone wrong. Or his washerwoman's dead. 
Spoken.-And what is all the world to a man when his laundress is defunct, it would mean ruin to-Chorus.