Ghost Of Benjamin Binns - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
GHOST OF BENJAMIN BINNS. 
Keep your seats, if you please, and don't be afraid, I'm only a ghost, a poor, harmless shade; I would not hurt any one here if I could, And you couldn't do me much harm if you would. Knives will not stab me, nor shots through me fly, But, oh! the experiment please do not try: It's not for myself that I care, not at all, I'm only afraid you might "damage the wall. 
Spoken-For-Chorus. I'm the ghost of John James Christopher Benjamin Binns, I was cut down right in the midst of my sins; For my home is down below, I'm let out for an hour or so; When the cock begins to crow, Farewell! Benjamin Binns. 
When I lived on this earth my wife often said, If I should die first she'd never get wed, To-night I called on her, through keyholes I crept, If ghosts could have tears, I'm sure I'd have wept. A man held my wife in his tender embrace, She called him her hubby, he'd taken my place; To make matters worse, and to crown all my woes. The fellow was wearing my best Sunday clothes. 
Spoken-The gas was full on-she could not see me-but I was determined she should hear me, so I said: Hold mortal piece of flesh! She shrieked, and held the mantelpiece; then in a sepulchral tone I said:-Chorus. 
I'll try to forget my false-hearted wife. And give you a plan of my present life; I get good engagements, with cash in advance, Attending the spiritualist's midnight séance. I rap at the tables and kick up such scenes, I ring clanging bells and I bang tambourines; If Maskelyne says "ghosts are bosh," he is wrong, For if he comes near me, he'll smell spirits quite strong. 
Spoken-And I'm willing to prove that Maskelyne and Feminine know nothing of the "Cooke "shop below; and as for their spirits, they only exist in two-pen-'orths-and I expect a drink presently. But I have done with frivolity now, no more will I frivol downthere; No, I have big engagements, I played "The Ghost "at the theatre to Booth's "Hamlet," but I did not stick to the text of Shakespeare; no, I modernized it; and you should have been there when Hamlet says: Hold, who art thou? speak! I will go no farther; and I say: Hamlet! Hamlet!-Chorus.