I Would Like To Do It, But Can't - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
I Would Like to Do It, But Can't. Tune- "They Can't Do It, You Know." 
Come, all you swells, and hear what I say, I would like to do it, but can't; About the strange news you read every day, I would like to do it, but can't. The girls are commencing to cut their hair short, You know they would like to appear as a sport; If I had my say, they would soon appear in court, I would like to do it, but can't. 
Chorus. I would like to do it, but can't, I would like to do it, but can't; So don't give me away, I will be in jail some day, I would like to get there, but can't. 
The girls and the boys, when they want to elope, I would like to do it, but can't; They'll take the boat and to Camden elope, I would like to do it, but can't. I tell you it ic getting to be quite immense. When you cross the river for only three cents, And come home married without license, I would like to do it, but can't.-Chorus. 
When married, goes and gets boiling tight, I would like to do it, but can't; He will then go home and raise a big fight, I would like to do it, but can't. He will pick up a stove, hit his wife in the jaw, If she says much he will clean up the floor, And do a song and dance on his mother-in-law, I would like to do it, but can't.-Chorus. 
There are the men who are now eating glass, I would like to do it, but can't; I woidd soon cut my throat, up the spout I'd pass, I would like to do it, but can't. They say that this man by the name of Bill Jones, Eats loads of glass, as if they were chicken bones, But show me the man that eat cobble stones, I would like to do it, but can't.-Chorus. 
My song is now ended and I'll sing no more, I would like to do it, but can't; You might get angry and fire me through the door, You would like to do it, but can't. The last time I sung I got loads of bouquets, The judge knew me well, gave me ninety days, You know yourself that will never pay, I would like to do it, but can't.-Chorus.