Who'll Be An Old Man's Darling - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
Who'll be an Old Man's Darling? 
At the age of seventeen, when I wanted a wife, 'Mong the girls there's none could be bolder; But my friends all declared 'twas too early in life, I must wait 'till I was somewhat older. How my time passed away, I'll not venture to say, And the question I ever must parry; I still am unsettled, though I'm seventy to-day, Yet I own I am eager to marry. 
Chorus. But I don't want any sort of cross-grain'd dame, No! the thought of all such sets me snarling; But a good-natured woman sets my heart in a dame, Who'll be an old man's darling? 
At the age of twenty-five I did still wish to wife, Though I own I had grown more particular; I was called by the faff sex, the queerest man alive, For for fortune I was such a stickler.-All ray passion of love was corrupted by gold, I wanted a wife rich and beautiful; But I'm growing wiser as I'm growing old, And now I don't care, so she's dutiful. 
Spoken-What I mean when I say dutiful, I say what I would like to mean, and what I mean I would like to expect. I want my wife to have a temper of her own, keep it to herself, and show it to me as seldom as possible; and I wish it to be distinctly understood, when I marry, I marry her alone; for I have had a mother of my own in my day, and can dispense with a good mother at present.-Chorus. 
At the age of thirty-five I strongly did strive To espouse a young maid who would suit me; But I'd got a rival, and as I am alive; He vowed if I did he would shoot me. As advancing in years I grew fonder of life, I for love seemed inclined not to bother; So rather than life, I gave up a good wife, And here I am seeking another. 
Spoken-Perhaps it is just as well I gave her up, otherwise, some of you would not have the chance of a good husband; and I, perhaps would not have been here to tell the tale. She got married to a poor little fellow, who has never had a happy day since. He is obliged to take his shoes off on the stair, for fear of soiling the carpet. I endeavor to condole with him, but I'm obliged to laugh at the ridiculous stories he tells me-ha, ha, ha! ho, ho, ho! On one occasion, the children became rather squally through the night; she had previously removed the candle, and when the caudle was out, of course, they were in the dark; and when in the dark, of course, they couldn't see; she in a fury came down stairs, and lifted the counterpane to chastise the boys, but instead of doing so, she very unmercifully pummeled poor Mr. Phipps-ho, ho, ho! ha, ha, ha! I would like a wife,-Chorus. 
When forty-five came I remained just the same, That's a bachelor spruce, but not prudish; I ogled the fair, although I declare, I was neither offensive nor rudish. Those that were inclined, weren't at all to my mind, And those whom I liked did refuse me; Though I'm seventy to-day, yet I still hope to find Some dear little girl who would choose me. 
Spoken-Yes, I said girl, but I don't mean that; I am not at all particular as to the age, the beauty, nor the personals, but I must say, that- Chorus.