Sarah Jane's Relations - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
SARAH JANE'S RELATIONS. Copyright, 1887, by S. S. Stewart. 
I have not come to sell you, but a story I will tell you, All about my Sarah Jane from old Carlisle; She is very pretty, very, but she's apt to be contrary, And she talks of her relations all the while; She boasts of several mothers and of sixteen great big brothers, Some smaller ones, and some that come between: Of fathers she has two, and of uncles quite a crew. And lots of country cousins, fresh ar.d green; My Sarah Jane's relations, they are bores and aggravations. And they represent all nations in this land of tribulations; They work at excavations, and they build steamboats and stations, Now I often take vacations to be rid of Sarah Jane. 
She speaks of sisters plenty, and her aunts they number twenty; Oh, they must have been a very fruitful race; Scores of grandpaps, and grandmothers and by marriage lots of others, And far back her noble lineage she can trace. To begin with, let me see. there is Thomas James D. B. Who with pilgrims landed on this shore; You may think it all a myth, that this old man's name was Smith, But the natives heard of that name long before; My Sarah Jane's relations all give food for her narrations. And their trials and temptations are the cause of my vexations; You'll excuse these explanations, for her tales have no foundations. There'll be lots of vindications when I'm square with Sarah Jane. 
We used to go out walking, but forever she'd be talking, And with feeling I would listen to her tales; Id get weaker and she stronger, but it cannot last much longer, For I'll leave her soon to capture other males. She is robust and she's healthy, in her mind she's very wealthy, And she's going to get a farm when some one dies; She then can live contented with some other poor demented. Who can listen to her stories and her sighs; My Sarah Jane's relations have been full of expectations Of getting invitations to our wedding celebrations; But serious complications, have caused some alterations, You'll excuse these variations, they were caused by Sarah Jane.