I've Only Been Down To The Club - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
I've Only Been Down to the Club. Copyright, 1876, by E. H. Harding. 
Last night I was out rather late, 'Twas only an innocent spree; My wife for my coming did wait, When sleeping I thought she would be. I found her in temper and tears, Oh, she cried, it's a sin and shame; And she scratched both my eyes and my ears. But I told her I soon would explain. 
Chorus. The club had a meeting to-night, love. Of business we had a great sight, love; Don't think for a moment I'm tight, love. I've only been down to the club. 
My boots I left down in the hall And softly I crept up the stairs; I kept rather close to the wall And thought to ascend unawares. But just as I got to the door, I seemed to get lost in the dark; I stumbled and fell on the floor, And just then I could only remark:-Chorus. 
She sobbed, she wept and she screamed, And said she'd go back to her ma, While I on the mantel-piece leaned, And tried to enjoy my cigar. I promised to buy her a dress. If she'd let me alone for a while; then I gave her a sweet little kiss. And I saw her beginning to smile.-Chorus.