I Doubt If It Ever Occurs - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
I DOUBT IF IT EVER OCCURS. Copyright, 1888, by Willis Woodward & Co. Sung by Lew Dockstader. 
They say through the air we will navigate soon, But I doubt if it ever occurs; Instead of a yacht, men will have a balloon, But I doubt if it ever occurs. If political speakers would get into one, They'd supply it with gas to go up to the sun, We'd be better off with their voyage begun, But I doubt if it ever occurs. 
Chorus. We'd be better off with their voyage begun, But I doubt if it ever occurs; And ladies say thanks when you give them your seat, But I doubt if it ever occurs. 
They say that the cars on the crossing will stop, But I doubt if it ever occurs; That if there is a puddle you'll not in it drop, But I doubt if it ever occurs. When in a street car, it would be a great treat, If out of the aisle men would keep their big feet. And ladies say thanks when you give them your scat, But I doubt if it ever occurs.-Chorus. 
Mr. Comstocek, a butcher, they say, will arrest, But I doubt if it ever occurs; For the selling of becf from Chicago undressed, But I doubt if it ever occurs. That the walls of our houses must never be bare, Show their limbs without leaves the trees must'nt dare, And Mexican dogs must wear for or grow hair, But I doubt if it ever occurs.-Chorus. 
They say Charley Mitchell will Sullivan fight, But I doubt if it ever occurs; John seems to have filled England's fighters with fright, So I doubt if it ever occurs. Should Charley stop talking and tight, you can bet Your money that John will be champion yet, And Charley's fond mamma will not know her pet, But I doubt if it ever occurs.-Chorus. 
It is said that the ladies their dogs will exchange, But I doubt if it ever occurs; For the monkey and "gaitor, " and other things strange, But I doubt if it ever occurs. Just imagine how funny will be the contest, When a lady is yauking the "monk "she loves best, If she wants to go East and the " monk "to go West, But I doubt if it ever occurs.-Chorus. 
They say Buffalo Bill will of England be king, But I doubts if it ever occurs; That Mrs. Brown Potter in opera will sing, But I doubt if it ever occurs. Up the second term ladder our President climbs, And it's said that although he keeps up with the times, On the quiet he's learning some nursery rhymes, But I doubt if it ever occurs.-Chorus.