He's On The Police Force Now - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
He's On The Police Force Now. Copyright, 1890, by Chas. D. Blake & Co. Word-and Music by Martin Hennessey. 
I know you are acquainted with a man named Dan. McCann. He stands in pretty solid with our friend, the alderman; And at the last election he put in a lot of work. There's nothing light or heavy that this friend of ours would shirk. Election day down at the polls he thought 'twould be the thing To show the politicians that he still was in the ring; He walked with them. he talked with them, until they reached the door. All that is past, he's fixed at last, he'll never work no more. 
Chorus. He's on the police force now. And no funny jokes with him will he allow. He's fond of gin and brandy, and his job comes in quite handy, For he's on the police force now. 
Last year the people voted on the question yes. or no. The verdict was high license, so the poor man has no show; For many in the business, oh, that was a fatal day. They're lonesome, absent-minded, since Mulcahy went, away. A friend of mine no license got, it made him feel quite sad, he went to see the mayor, for his heart was filled with mad; he walked with him. he talked with him. be said be was no slob, They tested him. he's in the swim, he has a darling job. 
Chorus. He's on the police force now, With a smile of satisfaction on his brow; Although he sells no liquor, he is growing stout and thicker, For he's on the police force now. 
One day a man went crazy, just as crazy as a loon, He thought he was the circle round the man up in the moon; He often went out evenings when it was very dark, There was something queer about him, it was something you would mark. At last one day they laid for him, and tied him with a rope. They took him to the doctor's and they said there was no hope: They walked with him. they talked with him. they worked on him in vain, His health is sound, he's big and round, but he has got no brain. 
Chorus. He's on the police force now, And he's always out of sight when there's a row: He thinks he is a daisy, but it's straight, the man is crazy, But he's on the police force now. 
A friend of mine was lazy, always idle, a disgrace. For somehow or another, he could never keep a place; He met with queer adventures in each place that be had been, I would tell you of his virtues only scandal is a sin. He worked at this, then worked at that, but never very long, Though clumsy and block-headed, he was six feet tall and strong; He tried for it. he made a hit, his thanks they were profuse, He has a Jog just like a log, he is no earthly use. 
Chorus. He's on the police force now, All he does is draw his wages, that I vow: I bear he has stopped drinking, but I know he's stopped thinking, For he's on the police force now.