The Night Maloney Lost His New High Hat - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
THE NIGHT MALONEY LOST HIS NEW HIGH HAT. Tune - "Night Maloney Landed In New York." Words by T. H. Tooker. 
Dan Maloney, dressed so neat, was walking down the street To see his sweetheart, Mary Ann Magee; On his coat he wore a rose, the color of his nose, And as happy as an alderman was he. He walked about a block when he got quite a shock, For a nagur hit him with a base-ball bat; And I'm sorry now to say that the divil was to pay, For he smashed in poor Maloney's new high hat. 
Chorus. Maloney began to cry, the nagur would have to die! For he never would take an insult like that; So they both toed a scratch and there was a slugging-match, The night Maloney lost his new high hat. 
Maloney broke the nagur's nose, so the story goes, And the nagur's shins he tried hard to kick; But. as quick as a flash, poor Maloney got a smash On the top of his head with a brick. Maloney began to yell to the crowd as he fell, Get an ambulance, don't let me die here like a rat! Me friends, I did me best, And it's me last request That you bury in me grave me new high hat. 
Chorus. Maloney began to shout, I think I am knocked out! For the nagur's knocked me head in nearly flat; But the crowd began to laugh and said, shut up you big giraffe. For at your funeral we'll all wear a new high hat. 
Now, Maloney didn't die, for an officer, passing by. Carried him to the station-house upon a shutter; They threw him in a cell, And on his head he fell, But, to save his life, a word he couldn't utter. In the morning he was brought to plead before the court, For they charged him with attempting suicide; And the judge gave him ten days in which to mend his ways, And in the prison-van poor Maloney took a ride. 
Chorus. Poor Maloney went to jail, for he could get no bail. And for ten days in a dismal cell he sat; And when he got out of there, he solemnly did swear That. he'd never wear again a new high hat.