That Never Could Happen Here - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
That Never Could Happen Here. Copyrighted by Willis Woodward & Co. By Frank Dumont. 
Yes, other cities have troubles and evils, You know people suffer and groan; We read with a shudder of things that are queer. And the high-handed way it is done. When "boodle" commands, politicians obey; They'll give up our streets if the railroad will pay, Then a quiet combine makes 'em a present of Broadway, But that never could happen here. 
Chorus. Oh! certainly not. oh! certainly not, it never could happen here; Oh! certainly not, oh! certainly not, it never could happen here; 
The Jersey policemen when out on the beat. They tell me, are never alert. In case of a row or a murder going on. Because they don't care to get hurt. But they'll give up a chance near a "lager beer store," To tell them it's Sunday and not to break the law; Then they'll take a sly drink behind the side door, But that never could happen here.-Chorus. 
In Brooklyn the bonnets the ladies now wear Are built up so solid and tall That when in theatres a man sits behind The poor man can see nothing at all. Not a glimpse of the stage, he does nothing but gape, Till the lady has pity on "the half-Minded chap. And she takes off her bonnet and holds it in her lap, But that never could happen here.-Chords. 
There once was a country that wasn't afraid Of foreigners looking for war, Because they had harbors protected by forts, And the people were anxious for more. And on their flag they would joyfully doat. You couldn't take from them a fisherman's boat. For they had a navy that could actually float, But that never could happen here.-chorus.