Everybody's Friend - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
EVERYBODY'S FRIEND. 
A happy, careless chap am I, and boast where'er I go, That tho' I have mode many friends, I've not a single foe. To be a genius I do not and never did pretend, But move in good society as everybody's friend. Spoken-And, having lots of cash, 
Chorus. They take me for a millionaire, my cash I freely spend. And so I'm welcomed everywhere as everybody's friend. 
A mother once with sixteen girls to me thus did apply, Watch and protect my darling dears, so timid, young and shy. She said, tho' once I really thought you marriage did intend, Then a breach-of-promise action brought 'gainst everybody's friend. 
Spoken- Verdict in her favor. Damages $10,000. Moral-Avoid mother's with sixteen grown-up, gushing daughters; for. In their desperation to get them off their hands, they'll do anything, especially if-
Chorus. A married man said, "Jack, my wife and I don't quite agree." The wife she whispered In my ear. "he treats me shamefully "; I gave the best advice to each, and, of course, why, in the end They made it up and kicked me out, and now I'm neither's friend. Spoken -The husband was indignant because I took her part: and the wife, precisely for the same reason, called me a nasty wretch, but I don't care, for-Chorus. 
A friend of mine once bought a house somewhere close to Rye, And meeting me one day, said he, "A fool I was to buy -The walls are dump, the windows shake, and burglars oft attend; Dear Jack, do take it off my hands, you're everybody's friend." 
Spoken-I did. and I hadn't been in the house three nights before burglars broke in and took every stick I had, and the last ruffian, as he descended the stairs and got outside of the house, looked up to me at the window and said: "I say, old boy," -
Chorus. We took you for a millionaire, your cash we'll freely spend, And so you're welcomed everywhere as everybody's friend.