I Put It On - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
I PUT IT ON Sung by Paul Pelham. 
They say that children ape the ways of men, and I am sure That saying's true, of instances I know at least a score; When quite a boy I saved my cash, a tall hat bought, a don, And going to meet my sweetheart, why, of course, I put it on. 
Chorus. I put it on, I put it on. Her other mash he punched my nose, Smashed my hat and tore my clothes. The way he paid me no one knows, The day I put it on. 
A friend of mine persuaded me at billiards once to play, My ignorance of which I did not like to him display; I seized the cue as bold as brass and chanced what might betide Said he, my boy, to make that shot you want a little side. 
Chorus. So I put it on, I put it on, I drove the ball right out of baulk. Smashed the cue and lost the chalk, Didn't I make the people talk, The day I put it on. 
Last week my tailor brought me home a pair of trousers light. But soon I found he'd make the things so very, very tight; I met a lady whom I knew and proudly walked along, Not noticing I'd split the things the day I put 'em on. 
Chorus. I put 'em on, I put 'em on, The little boys aloud did shout: Does your mother know you're out, Giddy, giddy, giddy gout, The day I put 'em on. 
My wife and I get on first-class, though sometimes things go crow, Last night our little baby cried, and so I said, of course, My dear, why don't you take it up, the pretty little elf, But, feeling tired, she said, not me, just see to him yourself. 
Chorus. So I put it on, I put it on, I knew not how to fold the thing, Which way even to begin, And in the baby stuck the pin, The night I put it on. 
Last summer down at Brighton I went bathing in the sea, And got into the wrong machine, most awkward, you'll agree; The tide was coming up and I afraid to stay there long, Although the clothes were ladies', why, I had to put 'em on 
Chorus. I put 'em on, I put 'em on, You should have heard the people roar When I stepped upon the shore, The bustle was hindside before, Just as I'd put 'em on.