Mr Straus's School-days - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
MR STRAUS'S SCHOOL-DAYS. Adair Welcker In "Boston Courier." 
Vhen I stardted oud in life, vhy I chump into der strife. For I know I vas a sordt of heafvy veight; I vas cerdain dot I vin chust so soon as I begin, Und my indellect begins to scindellate; But some dings dhey soon arise, fill me full of great eurbrise, Und my gonfldence did sordt of hesidate. 
Vhen first I vent to school, vhy I undertook to rule, So confident vas I it should be so; So, mit chips ubon my shouldter, I chust walk around more bolder As Nero, Alexander, or der warrior Tsitcero; Und der little vones dhey cheer me, und der bigger vones dhey fear me, Dill fighding my first baddle gomes my dreadful overdhrow. 
Dehn der little vones dhey chump me, und der larger vones dhey tump me, Und der teacher, too, did vip me, for he said each day I fighd, Dill my ears vas torn asunder, und my eyes vas blacker under As der golor of der shadow from der brighd elegdric lighd; Und der teachers hand gigantic, made me, vhen I sit, grow frandic, Und der thoughdt of sitting down, it filled my heart mit frighd. 
But ligke a town vot's booming, vhen my fifteenth year vas coming, I grows up ligke der mustard tree, so suddenly I grow; Dhen I sees my first opinion it vas righd, und for dominion I had been gonsdiduded, as der odders came to know. My revenge I veil may crave it, hence I starded oudt to have it, Und I toogk it from der largest to der smallest in der row. 
Dhen I polished up my muscle, for I thought if in a tussle I tump der teacher, also, dot I got a righd to crow; But my growing was so weedy, und I vas so large already, I vas mitdrawn; und had no chance to have dot final row. So vas saved from a hiding und der gonscquent deriding Of scholars who had seen me rise who once vas down so low.