The Dumb Wife - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
THE DUMB WIFE. By O. Whittlesey. 
There was a jolly blade, and he married him a maid. And safely conducted her home, home home; she was neat and she was smart, and she pleased him to the heart, But, alack and alas! she was dumb, dumb, dumb. 
She could brew and she could bake, she could sew and she could make; She could keep the house clean with a broom, broom, broom; She could card and she could spin; she do 'most everything, But, alack and alas! she was dumb, dumb, dumb. 
To the doctor then he went, to make himself content, And to get his wife cured of the mum, mum, mum. Oh, It is the easiest part, says the doctor, of my art To make a woman speak who is dumb, dumb, dumb. 
To "the doctor" he did bring, and he cut her chattering string, And so set at liberty her tongue, tongue, tongue. When her tongue began to walk, and she began to talk, She rattled in his ear like a drum, drum, drum. 
To the doctor then he goes, and to him he vents his woes; Saying, "Doctor, you have me undone, done, done, For my wife she proves a scold, and her tongue she ne'er will hold, I wish that again she was dumb, dumb, dumb. 
When I did undertake to make your lady speak It was a thing easy done, done, done, But 'tis past the art of man, let him do the best he can, To make a scolding woman hold her longue, tongue, tongue.