What Can You Expect For Your Money - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
What Can You Expect for Your Money? Written and Composed by Harry Dacre. Sung by Harry Freeman. 
No wonder we find a depression in trade, Since profits are cut up so close; I once saw some sovereigns a fellow had made, At "three and a tanner "per gross; He passed a lot off to the public at large, Detectives declared it was funny! And one of them said, as he took him in charge, "What can you expect for your money? " 
Chorus. Heigho! it's always so! Money is a dreadful thing, O! But an empty purse is a great deal worse-It is, by jingo! 
Now when a young fellow goes bunting for gold, And drops on a "lady of coin," He pops the grand query, the question of old. And asks her his fortune to join. Then after they're married, much to his surprise, He finds she is sixty (that's funny); She takes off her wig and her cork leg, and cries, What can you expect for the money!" -Chorus. 
Or when an old "buffer" of eighty or so, Gets 'mashed' on a juvenile Miss, And gives her a check for a "fiver" or so. Then asks her to give him a kiss. She gives him just one, in a half sort of way, He thinks it is sweeter than honey; But if he should ask for another, she'll say, "What do you expect for your money?" - Chorus. 
A clever young gentleman went to the "Zoo," The monkeys be liked to enrage; One of them grabbed hold of his hat, which was new, And tore it to shreds in the cage. The masher went out to the "boss of the show," Who laughed-for it struck him as funny, Then said, "You should keep from relations you know. Or else you are bound to lose money." - Chorus. 
Suppose you go out in an emigrant ship, To sail for the antipodes, And pay but a trifle for taking the trip, You can't expect comfort and ease. If you should be wrecked and find watery graves. The captain is bound to be funny; He'll ask you ere sinking beneath the green waves, "What can you expect for such money?" - Chorus.