The Phonograph - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
THE PHONOGRAPH. Composed and Sung by Lowry & Evans. 
There are some 'graphs we read about-Great 'graph and graphtin' time. To Photograph we Autograph to Telegraph to you; The Stenograph and Lithograph To catch the country gawk. But the greatest 'graph to make you laugh Is the Phonograph-that talks. We heard one talking to itself In a saloon not far from here; And it told us some funny things, Which we think were rather queer. So quickly fold your faces And prepare yourself to laugh, And we will tell you some of the things We heard in Edison's Phonograph. 
We heard a tip on the Lacrosse, Which really did come true; Oh, wasn't that a wonderful thingWe'll leave it now to you. We heard two tramps a-singing"Comrades we will be," When leaving Payette's for the Penitentiary. 
We heard "How Paddy Stole the Rope" And skipped across the sea; And When Pat Kennedy was elected. Old Ireland he'd set free. We heard two women arguing The ways of Women's Rights; Then said the law was trying hard To stop them from wearing tights. 
We heard McKinley reading his Tariff Bill; We heard that Mrs. Langtry Had doubled up with Buffalo Bill. We heard the Ottawa's blowing about their team, When Dr. Shanks said," They're not in it' With the boys of the green."