The Law Won't Allow Me To Do It - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
The Law Won't Allow Me to Do It Copyright, 1892, by Frank Tousey. Words by Norton Atkins. Music by Felix McGlennon. 
I'd sing you a song of cerulean hue, But the law won't allow me to do it; It has an objection to anything blue, And the law won't allow me to do it. Tho' noble by birth, I am not at all proud; I'd do lots of things if I were but allowed; I'd be a matchmaker, you know, in a crowd. But the law won't allow me to do it. 
Chorus. I don't know what I'd not do if it wasn't for the law; I'd make the girls wear whiskers and I'd send 'em out to war; I'd keep my wife in check and I'd break her mother's neck, But the only thing that stops me is the law. 
I'd get in a bank and walk off with the cash, But the law won't allow me to do it; Two hundred and ninety-nine girls I would mash, But the law won't allow me to do it; I'd stop lords And princes from sneaking our pelf, Insist on their Staying at home on the shelf, And all our princesses I'd marry myself, But the law won't allow me to do it. 
Chorus. I don't know what I'd not do if it wasn't for the law; I'd make the girls wear whiskers and I'd send 'em out to war; I'd send the German hands back into their fatherland, But the only thing that stops me is the law. 
I'd tell you young men such a nice fairy tale, But the law won't allow me to do it; I'd put all police who tell lies into jail, But the law won't allow me do It. Now I've got a girl, as, of course, is well known; Her figure's immense, and she weighs eighteen stone; I'd like to find out if that figure's her own, But the law won't allow me to do it. 
Chorus. I don't know what I'd not do if it wasn't for the law; I'd make the girls wear whiskers and I'd send 'em out to war; I'd stop girls chewing gum, and I'd strike the barbers dumb, But the only thing that stops me is the law. 
I'd like to punch my girl's papa on the nose, But the law won't allow me to do it; I'd pull out his whiskers and jump on his toes, But the law won't allow me to do it. I went 'round to see her, got kicked in disgrace, The marks even now I quite plainly can truce; If no one were here I would show you the place, But the law won't allow me to do it. 
Chorus. I don't know what I'd not do if it wasn't for the law; I'd make the girls wear whiskers and I'd send 'em out to war; I'd have each workingman get all the cash he can, But the only thing that stops me is the law.