The Husbands' Boat - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
THE HUSBANDS' BOAT. 
Come, listen to my ditty: I'm a merchant in the city, I've got a wife, the best in life, she's forty, fat and fair; And though I love her dearly, it happened very queerly, I sent her down to Long Branch, as she wanted a change of air. 
Spoken-And though I didn't want to lose the old girl a man likes to go about sometimes- so she went by train, I meant to follow by 
Chorus. The husbands' boat, the husbands' boat, Jolly old boys when we're afloat; The husbands boat, the husbands' boat, For Long Branch in the morning. 
We had a loving parting, and as the train was starting My wife called out: "Don't go about to see the sights in town." Of course, I said: "O no, dear, without you 'twould be slow, dear; So, by the boat, on Saturday you may expect me down." 
Spoken -I kept my promise, and didn't go to more than five concert halls in one night -the Eagle, Highbury-barn and the National Gallery don't count, of course.- Chorus. 
On Saturday according the boat I soon was boarding, And with a lot of husbands got, a jolly set were we; Imagine my surprise, then, I chanced to turn my eyes, When I saw a lovely damsel who was looking straight at me. 
Spoken-Now, when a man's wife's been away for a week, they oughtn't to allow female women on board- Chorus. 
We got in conversation, I stood a cold collation, We soon got near to Long Branch pier, the time went quickly by. Around her taper waist, then, my arm I just had placed, When I heard a voice that brought me to my senses instantly. 
Spoken- "Oh! look, Ma, there's father-Isn't it kind of him to bring your dressmaker with him on board." - Chorus. 
My feelings won't bear painting, my wife with rage was fainting; I'll draw the veil upon a scene so painfully severe. 
Spoken- Married men! Be careful, I entreat you, your wives may come to meet you; Then take your arm away when you're in sight of Long Branch pier. 
Chorus. My wife said: "Dear, now really, indeed I speak sincerely, I think you'd better take the rail when you come down again." Indeed, I don't invent it, you may think that I meant it, But every Saturday, somehow, I chanced to miss the train, 
Spoken-So, with the old girl's permission, I returned once more to--Chorus.