A Duck Can't Sit On A Limb - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
A DUCK CAN'T SIT ON A LIMB. Copyright. 1893, by F. J. Tierney. Words and Music by F. J. Tierney. As sung by Press Eldridge. 
A tramp stole an egg, he was too strong to beg, And he swallowed it as he was snatched; If he ran and fell he'd be cut by the shell, If he didn't the egg would hatch. 
Refrain. For a duck can't sit on a limb, as she has no thumbs on her feet; And a hen with fish in the sea can't swim, for she hasn't a water-proof seat. 
Said the mother to her boy, her pride and her joy, "You must climb life's ladder round by round." When he got to the top, of course, he had to stop, And they made him wash the windows and get down.-Refrain. 
A long-whiskered jay called a waiter with his tray, And ordered milk toast, a la mode; But the waiter, as he flew, yelled "A graveyard stew," And that very same day it snowed.-Refrain. 
A butcher, quite rash, in haste to get the cash, Let slip and cut his band in half; But, strange thing to tell, he's doing very well Writing shorthand, and giving us the laugh.-Refrain. 
A farmer to town with his son did come, A lawyer for to make with big pay, But the boy blacked boots with a lot of other galoots, And while the sun shines the farmer makes nay.-Refrain. 
At Coney Island Smith met Jones, In water five feet above the ground; Says Smith. "What a treat! How-d'ye-do? Have a seat." And he did, and like a jackass he was drowned. -Refrain. 
A one-eyed man in a little game of draw Tried to steal some checks from the pot: But the Texas man said he wouldn't mention names, But he thought he'd shoot the other eye out.-Refrain. 
A duck can't sit upon a limb, For she has no thumbs as a gauge; And the ladies, bless their hearts, were never known to part With high hats, so the men could see the stage.- Refrain. 
The man with his fists all lumps and twists, Didn't know base ball and its ruffles, For he was a deaf mute, and very, very cute, And got hurt cracking jokes on his knuckles - Refrain.