Keep It Handy - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
KEEP IT HANDY. Copyright, 1893, by Frank Tousey. Words by George Horncastle. Music by Felix McGlennon. 
Now ev'ry young lady who's got a nice face, take my advice: Be always good-tempered and add to its grace, that's good advice; I don't recommend you to use horrid stuff, Still men never think you are pretty enough; So buy some pearl powder and also a puff, and take my advice: 
Chorus. Keep it handy, nice and handy, You know you like to "make up" on the sly; And powder's handy, very handy. It's ten to one you'll want it bye and bye. 
Now all you young fellows who stay out at night, take my advice: Whatever you do, mind, you never get tight, that's good advice; iAnd if you are strictly teetotal instead, But still In the morning have pains in your head, A bottle of brandy have placed near your bed, and take my ndvice: 
Chorus. Keep it handy, nice and handy. You know you like a drop upon the sly; And brandy's handy, very handy, Whene'er you want to wet the other eye. 
Now all you dear girls who have got a young man, take my advice, And keep him as far off as ever you can, that's good advice If of other fellows he jealous appears, And you want to seem quite upset by his sneers, In your handkerchief place a small onion, my dears, and take my advice: 
Chorus. Keep it handy, nice and handy, You know you like to tease him on the sly; An onion's handy, very handy, It's ten to one you'll want it bye and bye. 
You dear married ladies who 'round me I see, take my advice-: Always make the old man come home to his tea, that's god advice; Then let him go out, for what else can you do? But while you await his return till all's blue, Be sure that you have a big poker with you, and take my advice: 
Chorus. Keep it handy, nice and handy, You know you like to bang him on the sly; A poker's handy, very handy. It's ten to one you'll want it bye and bye.