Number One - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
NUMBER ONE. Copyright, 1895, by T. B. Harm* & Co. Words by J. Cheever Goodwin. Music by Ludwig Englaender. 
In the came of office-holding, if you're going to take a hand, There are certain fundamental rules it's well to understand; If you don't, the odds are heavy, in the consommé you'll land. Do you follow me? -I do. Any antiquated notions that "an office is a trust," If you want to be successful, from your mind dismiss you must; For, remember, you're not out for approbation, but for dust. Do you follow me?-I do. 
Chorus. If on your downy couch you'd slumber, With a sense of duty fully done, Look out for the good of the greatest number, And the greatest number's number one. 
In the matter of appointments you must not be over nice; Though a candidate's conspicuous for Ignorance and vice. You can waive such minor matters, if he's only got the price, Do you follow me?-I do. In the letting out of contracts never mind whose bid Is low; That's a merely petty detail you at once aside should throw, And award them to the one who'll give the biggest quid pro quo. Do you follow me.- I do.-Chorus. 
At economy and honesty and each romantic stuff, Though It may be just as well, at times, to make a feeble bluff: If you don't provide for rainy days you're far from "up to sunff." Do you follow me?-I do. If the papers should discover little matters done by stealth, And should ask you awkward questions as to where you got your wealth, Don't descend to explanations, go to Europe for your health. Do you follow met-I do.-Chorus.