My Boy, You're In Society - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
MY BOY, YOU'RE IN SOCIETY. Copyright, 1896, by T. B. Harms & Co. Words by Harry B. Smith. Music by Ludwig Englaender. 
My boy, you're in society, a world to you unknown. Where every rich man cuts his poorer brother. Where none ask what a fellow is, but, "How much does he own?" Where people bore themselves and bore each other. So bid farewell to common sense and clothes that neatly fit; English misfit togs you'll wear with great propriety; You must wear a lonely eye-glass, tho' you cannot see with it, When you toddle 'round in upper ten society, I'll try to recollect it, dear papa! That's right, all common sense he sure to shun; Be vapid, and as rapid and as frapped us you can; Be silly, damp and chilly, be as gilly as you can. Exclusive and abusive, but effusive to the rich, Remember it's sassiety, sussiety, my son. 
When you enter a saloon, and foul men offer you a seat. Don't take it with your teeth-that's tres mauvais! Never punch a duchess in the ribs, or joke about her feet; When dukes sit down, don't jerk their chairs away; Never ask a little marchioness to play at kissing games, Unless she's in a state of inebriety: And never call a dowager a "peach," and such like names, For it isn't pom-de-terre in good society. I'll try to recollect it, dear papa! In etiquette, I yield the palm to none! Be vapid, And as rapid and us frapped as you can, Be silly, damp and chilly, be as gilly as you can, Exclusive and abusive, but effusive to the rich, Remember it's sassiety, sussiety, my son. 
When at dinner, if the butter's strong, turn pleasantly away; Not swearing, but remarking "blithe" or "gracious! " And if you find an oyster that is worn out and black. Drop it down your neighbor's neck, unostentatious. Just as soon as you begin to puff, stop eating, quick as thought, For puffing Is a signal of satiety. Always keep your waistcoat buttoned till the first entree is brought, That's considered "fatigue" in good society. I'll try to recollect it, dear papa! My cigarette I pride myself upon. Be vapid, And as rapid and as frapped as you can, Be silly, damp and chilly, be as gilly as you can, Exclusive and abusive, but effusive to the rich, Remember it's sassiety, sussiety, my son. 
Don't ever shake hands heartily, for that's a deadly sin, 'Twill make the most aristocratic flee; you Always shake hands as a turtle flaps his clammy starboard flu. "How do, old Chappie, deuced glad to see you!" When seated at the table, do not balance cups And plates; Do not juggle with your knife, my son, but eat with it, And never put your footsies up unless your shoes are mates, Though that's sometimes done, one does not often meet with It. I'll try to recollect It, dear papa! Keep on, my boy, the way you have begun. Be vapid, And as rapid and as frapped as you can, Be silly, damp and chilly, be as gilly as you can, Exclusive and abusive, but effusive to the rich, Remember it's sassiety, sussiety, my son.