The Baggage Coach Ahead - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
THE BAGGAGE COACH AHEAD. Parody-Written by John C. Conover. 
On a clear and stormy night, a train just starting out, Two tramps who had been watching their chance, One said, "I'll take the rear car, you the one ahead, The conductor, tell a song And dance; You tell him that your brother died in Chicago town, That you a telegram had got: Tell him you've no money, you'll pay him coming back, It's a Jem game, Weary, but it's hot, And when ne wants your ticket, spring your tale of woe, Tell him you haven't got a son, And your brother he has left you coin, you think, It's the only real thing for to do, And when he comes to me, never have a fear, I'll tell him a story that will do, That I'm the only friend that you've really got. 
Chorus. I'm going to the fun'ral with you. So the train rolled on with the baggage coach ahead, And Weary was the happiest man alive or dead: He got into the champagne cases, which made him yell and shout, And they had to get a stretcher when they took poor Weary out. 
A newly-wedded couple on their wedding tour, Both were cooing like the turtle dove; He called her pretty names, yet he may do worse. And each were happy in their love. The train went rolling on, they cared not where it rolled, Or of the passengers' laughs and yells; They knew that they were married, they let it go at that, Ev'ry one said they were doing well. The bride, she then went forward for a drink, they say, Who met the brake man, who knew her too, He took her and he kissed her in the forward coach, Like any other brakeman would do; The groom began a-yelling, "Oh, where is my wife?" Then some one said, "Cull, you're off your head. She's skipped out with the brakeman, and by this time 
Chorus. She's all right in the coach ahead." So the train roiled on with the baggage coach ahend, The brakeman was the happiest man alive or dead; They got into the champagne cases, which made them yell And shout, And they had to get a stretcher to take the couple out.