There Was A Pair Of Us - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
THERE WAS A PAIR OF US. Copyright, 1896. by The Zeno Mauvais Music Co. Written and Composed by John T Spickett 
To travel alone is a deuce of a bore, You can't have much pleasure, you see; I always prefer to go out with a pal, Who will share joys and sorrows with me. That's why Tom and I as a pair always go; Last week we went out to the Park, We made an impression on two lovely girls, And took them around until dark. 
Spoken.-Yes, and then we asked to see them home, and we did so. They asked us into the parlor, and we went, I had my arm around my girl's waist and Tom was just kissing his, when the door opened and two men came intheir husbands-and-
Chorus. There was a pair of us. Head over heels down the stairs; There was a pair of us, The husbands were like two big bears. I stood on my head at the font of the flight, Tom's nose for a week never seemed to come right; There was a pair of us. And together we went through it all. 
We went to a concert saloon one fine night, To take in the town on the grand: I had a load of new peaches on board, And Tom not a drop more could stand, We called for two drinks as bold as you please, "Shum whiskey" was all Tom could say: But when we decided who'd settle the round, We found we'd no money to pay. 
Spoken.-We tried to argue the matter with ths bartender, but he wouldn't have it; he wanted money, and as we had none, be sailed into us. 
Chorus. There was a pair of us Mixed up with sawdust and beer; There was a pair of us. Somebody chewed Tommy's ear: My derby was smashed as flat as a plate: A pair of black eyes was poor Tommy's fate; There was a pair of us, But together we went through it all. 
We went to a young lady's party one night. The weather was warm as could be: They asked us to sing, and we both started in, But no sign of drink could we see. Tom sang and recited and I followed suit, When some one the suggestion made. That every young lady should pick out a gent, To take sponge cake and lemonade. 
Spoken.-Now just imagine, lemonade, for two old sports like us! Well, we might have stood that, but the ladies that chose us were about forty, and had wrinkles like accordion pleats. 
Chorus. There was a pair of as, How I regretted we came; There was a pair of us, 
Tommy, I'm sure, felt the same. They played kissing ring, just to catch on a man, Tom whispered, I wish that we could rush the can; There was a pair of us, 
But we had to go through with it all. 
Now we took a notion to go on the stage, Possessed the idea we could act; And that we would make a sensation, of course, We knew was a plain, settled fact. ( We started a troupe und the season began, In Richard the I'll. we did star; And then the sensation we made, you could see. Exceeded our wishes by far. 
Spoken.-If Tom and I had wanted to go into the grocery business, the stock of tomatoes, potatoes, cabbage and eggs we received from the audience, would, have started us. I Chorus. { There was a pair of us, i Backward we spelled the word STAR; There was a pair of us. The walk to the city was far; Some of the eggs that they threw were not well. Tommy to this day remembers the smell; There was a pair of us. But together we went through it all.