It's My Sister You Want, Not Me - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
It's My Sister You Want, Not Me. Copyright, 1895. by Alb. H. Fitz. Words and Music by Alb. H. Fitz. 
I've got more trouble than any one man That lives in this town, I know, And all on account of a sweet little girl I met but a short time ago. Now she has a twin sister whom I never knew, And I'm mixed 'tween the two, don't you see? To tell one from the other, and this one from t'other, Is the thing that now puzzles me. 
Chorus. They're so like each other, they say that their brother Can't tell them apart, save his life, And even their mother don't know one from the other, The father Is Just like the wife; Now the one they call "Pollie" is just like my Mollie, And when this one I meet, don't you see, She smiles and says "really a mistake, I think, merely, She's my sister you want, not me." 
Now I think I'm in love, but which one I'm not sure; To tell you the truth I don't know; When I think I'm all right I find out I'm quite wrong, It seems that it is always so. When I find them together, I have to keep still, And when alone I'm also at sea; If I speak to this Polly, she says: "Oh, it's Molly, My sister, you want, not me." - Chorus. 
'Twas only last night that I called at the house, An evening to spend with my dear: And as the time passed, I nerved up to that point, To tell you the truth I felt queer, I called her my ducky, then down on my knees I swore that she must marry me; When she smiled and said: "Harry, I'm too young to marry, It's my sister you want, not me." - Chorus 
Last week I went out to a nice little "bop," My Mollie was there with the rest, So after a dance we sat down for a chat, Of course, I went in for my best Then, in many sweet words, I unburdened my heart, And asked if my wife she would be? When she smiled and said, "No, sir, now this will not go, sir, It's my sister you want, not me." -Chorus. 
Now it's not often a man tells a joke on himself, But on me here's a good one. I know; I met one of these twins, and the right one, I thought, So down the street we started to go. I politely addressed her, when she stopped and said, "sir," then I tried to explain. do you see! When she growled and said, "Mister, I guess it's my sister, lt's my sister you want, not me." - Chorus. 
I went out for a stroll, and met one of these girls, Who suggested that we take a walk, And while in the park, we sat down for a chat, It seemed she did want to talk. Now, Harry, my darling, to me would you give A "twenty," my dear- do you See? I thought it was Mollie, but she says it was Pollie, 'Twas that sister that looks like me.- Chorus. 
We were not married long, when this other sweet twin, Was invited to visit our home; All went very well, till one day I found out That my troubles did not come alone. Now really I thought 'twas my wife all the time, But. on this point we did not agree; She showed her temper and muscle, said, "get out and hustle, It's my sister you want, not me." -Chorus. 
Now lake my advice, don't get mixed up with twins, To my sorrow I made the mistake. It Cost me good money to find this all out. But I found it all out too lute. She took the advantage of me all the time. And when presents I'd five her, you see. Oh! how thoughtful to make It, say thank you and take it. But it's my sister you want, not me.- chorus. 
Note -The following words to be spoken: Second Verse: "Oh, it's Mollie." Third Verse: "Harry, I'm too young to marry." Fourth Verse: "No, sir, now this will not go, sir." Fifth Verse: "Sir!" (5th line.) "Mister, I guess it's my sister." Sixth Verse: "Do you see?"