Maloney's Leg - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
MALONEY'S LEG! Copyright. 1897, by Spaulding & Gray. Words and Music by Jos. M. Sparks and Francis Bryant. 
Dan Maloney from a building fell, and as the doctor said, Six inches short, his right leg was, when Dan got out of bed; When Maloney he was sober, he could walk like you or me, But Dan he loved his whiskey, and went often on a spree; And When he had his jag with bun be was an awful sight, For when he wanted to turn left the abort leg steered him right; Maloney weighed three hundred pounds, all muscle, fat and Done, When he was full it took a horse And dray to bring aim home. 
Chorus. This is the way Maloney went when he was on a spree, His leg was short, his back was bent, he was a sight to see; I'd prop meself again him, and I'd above with all me might, It wasn't a bit of use at all, the leg would carry him right, carry him right, carry him right. 
Last St. Patrick's Day while waiting for a hack to bring him home, I had to hold Maloney up, he couldn't stand alone; When a bright idea it struck me, and a brick by chance I found, I quickly placed the brick between Dan's short leg and the ground; It balanced him exactly, and I told him not to speak, While I went off to get a back, a bootblack made a sneak Up to where Dan Maloney stood, and then the rascal cute. He kicked the brick from underneath poor Dan Maloney's foot.- Chor. 
"Turn to the left!" a dago cried to Dan when full one night. In spite of all that Dan could do the short leg turned him right: Three hundred pounds of human weight In a moment fell And crashed, Italian, Dan, banana stand, lay in the gutter smashed; Before Judge Duffy they were brought next day at early morn, 'Twas all Dun's fault the dago swore, that Dan was going wrong; The judge he put his glasses on, his eyes they twinkled bright. "Maloney is discharged," said he, for Dan was going right.- Chorus.