Maloney's Leg - song lyrics 
American Old-time song lyrics from www.traditionalmusic.co.uk 
MALONEY'S LEG. Copyright, 1897, by Spaulding & Gray. Words and music by Jos. M. Sparks and Francis Bryant. 
Dan Maloney from a building fell, and as the doctor said. Six inches short, his right leg was, when Dan got out of bed; When Maloney he was sober, he could walk like you or me; But Dan he loved his whiskey, and went often on a spree; And when he had his jag with him he was an awful sight, For when he wanted to turn left, the short leg steered him right; Maloney weighed three hundred pounds, all muscle, fat and bone, When he was full it took a horse and dray to bring him home. 
Chorus. This is the way Maloney went when he was on a spree, His leg was short, his back was bent, he was a sight to see; I'd prop meself again him, and I'd shove with all me might, It wasn't a bit of use at all, the leg would Carry him right, Carry him right, Carry him right! 
Last St. Patrick's Day, while waiting for a hack to bring him home, I had to hold Maloney up, he couldn't stand alone; When a bright idea it struck me, and a brick by chance I found, I quickly placed the brick between Dan's short leg and the ground; It balanced him exactly, and I told him not to speak, While I went off to get a hack, a bootblack made a sneak Up to where Dan Maloney stood, and then the rascal cute, He kicked the brick from underneath poor Dan Maloney's foot.- Cho. 
"Turn to the left," a dago cried to Dan when full one night, In spite of all that Dan could do the short leg turned him right; Three hundred pounds of human weight in a moment fell and crashed Italian, Dan, banana stand, lay in the gutter smashed. Before Judge Duffy they were brought next day at early morn, 'Twas all Dan's fault, the Dago swore, that Dan was going wrong; The Judge he put his glasses on, his eyes they twinkled bright, "Maloney is discharged," said he, for Dan was going right.-Cho.